Letter #4

Hi Universe,
I needed to talk and you haven't written back, so I figured I'd write again.  So, things got better.  Then things got worse.  How is it that I tried to nip the situation in the bud, and then it just goes away only to come back with a vengeance?  Seriously?  I knew what was happening, so I ended it.  And then I stupidly fell for the same tricks again.  And now?  I seriously got off the phone and found exactly what I had suspected is what's going on?  How do I deserve this?  Granted, I'm not the best person on the planet, but I can't be so horrible that I have to endure all of this emotional turmoil in less than a year.  One person can only take so much abuse.  I do it to myself because I'm simple and naive in this aspect of life.  I just want to be happy, so I believe.  I just want to believe that things will work out.  And I do, but right now, it's so complicated and convoluted and I just want to cry.  I need things to be better soon.  I'm starting to see that all of my fears and doubts are right, but I don't want to be alone.  I'm afraid to be alone.  That's part of the problem.  I guess I'm just asking you to throw me a bone.  Or help me figure out how to make it okay.  I know you make it so a person has to experience certain things and events in order to become the person they need to be, and I can appreciate that.  I'm just hoping that you can throw a positive social relationship experience my way sometime soon.  I just hate being sad and I hate that people look at me and think that I'm so inherently messed up that I'm a lost cause.  It might be true, but I'd like to start changing public opinion.

I don't want to lose what I thought I had.  I do care.  I do want that.  But, if that's not what's meant to be, then I need to stop being jerked around so I can move on with my life and be happy.  Its just a shame that it had to go down like this.  It just proves everything that I thought and feared was right.  It proves that I knew what I was talking about.  And it proves that some people, no matter how what they tell you, just shouldn't be trusted.  This hurts.  I hate it.

Thanks for listening.  Sorry for all the requests, I just could use some help for once.

You should write soon.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.