Hope things are going well. Springs coming, so that always makes me happy. I'm sure you enjoy watching the seasons change.
Things haven't really changed since my last letter. Still being treated poorly. Still surrounded by people I can't talk to. Still looking for my supporting cast. I'm just so at a loss. What I want is still conflicting. Emotions are involved. I can't bear the thought of not having what was promised to me, and I'm terrified of what having it will mean to my mental health. I keep saying that next time I get a chance I'm going to be open and honest. And I keep hoping that I can, but I get into girl mode when given the opportunity. It would just be nice to know what's going through the person who is causing me so much anguish's head. I have a feeling I know. And I have the evidence right in front of me, but I feel like I want to deny it. Or I feel like I'm giving up too soon. I think I'm hoping that my doubts are just because I'm afraid and not because they are substantial. But I'm smart enough to know that what I'm going through right now is not normal.
Plus, the roommate situation is deteriorating rapidly. I can't deal with being surrounded by such selfishness. Such disregard and abuse of someone's kindness and help. I'm all about having fun, but there's being responsible too. Something roommates need to learn. I feel bad that one roommate is having money issues, but she needs a wakeup call and she needs to learn to take responsibility for her actions and not rely on others. I'm more than happy to help when their's no other option, but not when there's abuse like this.
Universe, you're a good listener. And I appreciate the listening. I'm just so sad lately. I feel like crying everyday. I need to find strength and I want to find happiness. I just don't know how. I'm so sick of being sad and alone. I want someone who wants to be with me who I want to be with. I want someone I can get along with. Someone that makes me laugh. Someone with a great laugh. Someone who thinks I'm funny and loves my laugh. Someone who thinks I'm attractive the way I am. Someone who I am attracted to. Someone I can love. Someone who can love me. Someone who can be my best friend and I can be their's. Someone who has the same values and the same goals and dreams. Someone who gets me and I can understand. Someone I can trust. Someone that trusts me. I just want to share my life with someone that wants me in theirs. It's not fair that I've gone this long without someone who treats me right. Everyone else finds love. Why can't I?
I know I'm being harsh and dramatic. I apologize. Girl times. They affect my thinking. I'm just terrified of getting hurt. My heart is on the line and I feel like it's being kicked around. It's upsetting to know that the person you love doesn't love you back.
Thanks for listening to me vent. I appreciate it.
You should let me know how things are with you. I'm sure you've got great stories.
